My Attorney General, Bernie

Reading of Lord Goldsmith’s interventions in the BAE scandal brings to mind Blossom Dearie’s rendition of “My Attorney Bernieâ€?.

Here are the words, but it’s essential to hear Blossom singing it to appreciate it.

My Attorney Bernie
(Words and Music by Dave Frishberg)

I’m impressed, with my attorney Bernie
I’m impressed, with his influential friends
He’s got very big connections
and I follow his directions
Bernie knows his way around
and so I always do what Bernie recommends.

I am blessed, with my attorney Bernie
I’m impressed, with the way he runs the store
He’s got Dodger season boxes
and an office full of foxes
It’s amazing all the different things
your average guy might need a lawyer for.

[Chorus:]
Bernie tells me what to do
Bernie always lays it on the line
Bernie says we sue, we sue
Bernie says we sign… we sign.

I’m in touch, with my attorney Bernie
In a clutch, he can speed right to the scene
and if I’m locked up in the jail
with just one phone call for my bail
he said to call his club collect
or deal directly with his answering machine

When I dine, with my attorney Bernie
He buys wine, from the rare imported rack
That’s cause Bernie is a purist
not your polyester tourist
Bernie waves the glass around awhile
then takes a sip and always sends it back

[Chorus:]
Bernie tells me what to do
Bernie always lays it on the line
Bernie says we sue, we sue
Bernie says we sign… we sign.

I admire, my attorney Bernie
I admire, any guy who knows his stuff
Sure we blew a couple ventures
with a counterfeit debenture
But you win a few, you lose a few
and like Bernie says you keep on hanging tough

Thanks to you, my attorney Bernie
Thanks to you, I’m considered well-to-do
Sure I made out like a bandit
Just exactly like you planned it
But like Murray my accountant
told me yesterday, I owe it all to you.

[Chorus]
On the dotted line.

Oddly, Lord Goldsmith, former UK Attorney General, denies complicity (he didn’t eschew that word) in the concealment of facts from an OECD corruption investigation. He claims the head of the Serious Fraud Office did that bit.

Lord Goldsmith, the legal advisor to the UK government took one view of the payment of huge bribes to Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia, The Corner House took another and the UK High Court agreed with The Corner House.

Lord Goldsmith’s successor is reportedly fighting the good fight, which the Independent coyly reports thus:

The plan caused disquiet in the Cabinet but Baroness Scotland of Asthal, the current Attorney General, fought off suggestions that her powers should be limited.�

What she is resisting is the curtailment of a claimed “rightâ€? to ensure that no effective investigation and consequently no prosecution of corrupt payments by BAE will take place in the future.

Being Attorney General seems to involve a person in surprising things.